Tosser

Saturday, 30 July 2011

It's been a while since I sat here and tippy tapped a blog post. That's mainly down to my old, steam driven PC really beginning to give up the ghost and die. It's taken to just shutting down of its own accord now. That's very infuriating if you're in the middle of writing something important. Luckily for me I use my PC for nothing more important than playing music and watching porn. That said it's still infuriating if Mick Jagger's half way through singing The Next Goodbye or Nina Hartley is midway through doing her stuff.

The PC ain't quite dead yet although it's operating naked at the moment. I've removed the cover as I reckon the internal bits are overheating. Probably a bit too much Nina Hartley action. But while I'm on the subject of death I'm quite nicely segued into the latest comment from my anonymous contributor. His/her latest offering can be seen attached to my last blog post but basically it states that I was a tosser when those photographs were taken and I still am now and I should crawl off and die in a hole.

I could, of course, simply delete this comment but I'm a fervent believer in freedom of speech. If 'Anonymous' wishes to state publicly that I like one off the wrist who am I to argue with him/her? I wonder if any of my compadre bloggers suffer the same anonymous contributions?

Anyway, I am now back at work after a tour of duty that had me feeling very vulnerable. I kept thinking that someone might leap out from a cupboard with recording equipment having captured some inappropriate comment or other and finish me off for good. Unlike 'Anonymous' I make all of my comments in my own name.

Vulnerability aside it didn't take long for the natives of SW11 to welcome me back into their slightly warped bosom. My problems of late seemed to dissolve when I witnessed the aftermath of the gentleman that mistook the engine air vent on his girlfriend's Smartcar for a fuel filler cap.

After wrenching off the vent cover (surely the fact that it didn't unscrew smoothly should have been a clue) he proceeded to pump £7.04 of unleaded over the hot engine.

Highly flammable liquid plus red hot metal is a fine combination if you're trying to achieve an impressive conflagration in a petrol garage and the destruction of your girlfriend's new Smartcar. Luckily for the boyfriend he suffered no injury. Well, at least he didn't whilst at the scene. I suspect his (ex) girlfriend might have given him the good news when he got home in a cab.

Anyway, tomorrow is another day and I'm due back in SW11 for more fire related shenanigans. Our new Fire Brigade Union branch rep is due to address his members to inform them of the latest round of attacks on our terms and conditions.

Unfortunately the new branch rep is a tosser.

Well, according to 'Anonymous' he is, anyway as the new branch rep is Yours Truly.

Who'd have thought it? A man whose politics sit slightly to the right of Genghis Khan.

Laters.

7 comments:

Tim said...

Speaking of "tossers", I was taking my wife's 98 yr old aunt out for a drive today when we passed a line of parked cars in a lay-by. "Wankers" she proclaimed.

It was only after we'd carried on a bit further that I realised that she's actually said "walkers".
Strangely, I was rather disappointed by this. ;-)

Debs M-C said...

Ha ha too funny. At least anon is giving you more credit these days. You know, now that you've conquered your erectile dysfunction :-) xx

Davie said...

The use of the word "blimey" should cut the field down a bit. Just be grateful he didn't sign off with "okey dokey".

Debs M-C said...

My thoughts exactly, Davie. I thought using blimely would be him off the scent :-)

Jiminuk said...

Well it warms the old cockles to know you're back in SW11 where you belong Dave... and I'm sure the denizens of South Chelsea will be pleased too, knowing you're knocking one out in the old Stn.O's room. Not sure what the rest of the watch will think, but then you're the boss!
:)

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