Enter The Dedicated Trainer

Saturday, 29 December 2012

I have a dirty, dirty secret that I need to disclose to you, Dear Reader.

Is it that I have been secretly dressing as a woman? That I stole the contents of a charity box? That I have purchased an album of songs recorded by Susan Boyle?

None of that.

It's worse.

I have actually begun training seriously for the West Highland Way Race.

I honestly have.

Let me take you back to a former blog post where I discussed my involvement in the Glen Ogle 33 mile ultra. I had run the total of three training events over ten miles in the previous 12 months and relied on nothing more than muscle memory and blind stupidity to get me through. Get me through it did but attractive and impressive it definitely wasn't.

Anyway, Dale Jamieson commented and kindly offered to share a training programme that was written specifically for him in order to take him to the Highland Fling. I accepted his offer and he duly emailed me this creation that would see the person undertaking it virtually living in the gym during the week and pounding the trails at weekends. Now due to my commitments to the London Fire Brigade shift pattern (48 hours in four days covering whichever culturally significant days that see others in the bosom of their family.....birthday, Easter, Christmas.....you name it, we work it) it took a bit of tweaking but now I have it. I have a programmed system of torture that has seen me mixing it with the hat wearing fools in the bear pit at the gym; pedalling away like a lunatic and getting nowhere on the static bike; and plodding away on the treadmill watching my heart beat telemetrically transposed to a screen in front of me.

That's right, Dear Reader, I have become a gadget sporting, diet considered, dedicated trainer. And I'll be honest and say that I do actually feel different. In the distant past I once was a hat wearing fool that lived in the bear pit. I measured my biceps and recorded my heaviest squat. But my aerobic fitness was shit. Then I became an ultra runner and ran everywhere. I suffered every running injury known to man, looked like Max fuckin' Wall and could run remarkable distances. But my strength was lacking.

With this new training plan things appear to be more balanced and I think 2013 might be an interesting year.

Presently I'm in Mrs Mac's house where I drove after completing a shift that saw me on duty on Christmas Eve, Christmas Day, Boxing Day and the day following. 400 miles to see my burd and I'm about to skip out the door to go to the gym. Last night we had the sum total of two glasses of Cava each to celebrate 'our' Christmas and I declined an offer of a lift to the off licence to purchase some vino collapso.

Instead I went to bed early after ingesting a protein shake.

I might end up with no girlfriend and a collection of gym hats but 2013 WILL be an interesting year.



Dale Jamieson said...

fingers crossed buddy

Julie said...

What have you done with the real Subversive Runner? Bring him back immediately, you imposter!!!

Anonymous said...

Who is this imposter poster who has infiltrated the Subversive one's blog?

btw, does the new training regime involve sticking your nose outside the gym door at any point?